Thursday, April 17, 2008

And these are the enlightened ones????

Foxnews reporting on a Yale ART student who claims to use her own blood samples as well as video of "self-induced" ABORTIONS for a senior project.

According to the story, art major Aliza Shvarts inseminated herself "as often as possible" then took drugs to induce miscarriages all while collecting blood and tissue samples for display. And if that's not bad enough, this whack job video taped the miscarriages in order to show at her "exhibit".

What the hell was this lunatic thinking? Shvart said the goal of the project was to "encourage debate and discussion about the connection between art and the human body". I think we should do another project where she's in a room full of woman who are grieving the loss of a child and see the connection between her face and the back of the mother's hands. Or better yet, lets do an exhibit of her sitting in a jail cell for the rest of her life and discuss the connection between her ass and cold concrete!

Ivy league? Higher learning? For real? Give me a frackin brake!

Read the full story here:

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Dude looks like a lady....

Ok so I just had a delightful lunch with some friends who were utterly glowing about the precocious and enlightening and brilliant nature of my blog. It has that affect on people...It's that good!

A question arose concerning my blog entitled, "Say What?" and the ever-so delicate nature of the information contained within. My friend...oh let's call her Linda....not to be confused with the hooker Sheila in a previous blog. Anyway, Linda kept referring to Thomas Beatie as a "he" and while he/she is certainly living as a man, I wanted to clear up a few technicalities.

First...."Thomas Beatie" has a hoo-hah not a wank-wank. He/She decided to start taking testosterone in order to grow facial hair, start spitting, and enjoy football. Now he/she had surgery to remove her breastular regions but opted to keep all her feminine wiles... i.e. her hoo-hah. However, an interesting side effect of the testosterone was that a particular portion of the hoo-hah region grew into a miniature wank-wank....according to Oprah the Great we're talkin' gherkin here people! Apparently the little wank-wank allows for normal "gettin' your grove on" moments...but I digress.

"Thomas' " wife is unable to bear children which left the burden of lineage up to the he/she of the household. Now here's the kicker...Thomas is still a woman in the netherland region so as far as offspring were concerned, they were workin' with a blank check...if ya know what I mean! He/she decided to forgo testosterone in order to carry to term a healthy baby and not some martian with three eyes and a lisp.

So as the story is told, he/she and the little mrs. went to a veterinary clinic of a friend to retrieve a turkey baster or a rooster inseminator ...whatever! They then went to the wack-wack bank to retrieve the vitamin fortified juice. They then went home where the little mrs. loaded up the rooster inseminator with the vitamin fortified juice which, in turn, is inserted and delivered in the hoo-hah. A little shimmy shake and BOOM he/she is due in June.

That is all...


I find people rather strange at times. I can only assume that they find me strange at times. What I find even more strange is that people seem to take themselves FAR to seriously and allow the most minute and mundane of happenings to derail what would be a rather pleasant day. I can wake up in the morning refreshed and ready to tackle whatever life has to offer yet the smallest amount of trite and insignificant whining can reset the course of my day. The beginnings of a most lovely day can so easily be tainted by the opinions and views of others.

How then do we as human beings continue to function in a frail, and oft times, mean and bitter world? The idea that I allow others to impact my daily well being is preposterous. How can I function as a productive individual in society and not be affected by the most baseless and inane insults often hurled at the most inappropriate and unsuspecting moments? Do I coil and retreat to the safety of my personal cave? Do I become a loner in order to never face the glare of ridicule or criticism? Do I learn what it means to grow thick skin and endure senseless attacks upon my persona and process without a thought of the opinions of others? To do so would create a callous and jaded soul that, in all honesty, would be useless in and for society in general.

But what great fear we have that such ridiculous and offensive behavior would often be committed by those we have allowed beyond the Great Wall. Beyond the place where most of humanity will never see. The secret garden of our souls reserved for the few who would walk among the beautiful rose bushes with its enticing aroma and beauty. These are they who have breached the barrier of the shallow and have moved into the deep waters of committed kindred spirit. It is here that I remain the most vulnerable and unprotected from the cruel nature of human kind. It is here that wounds are made so intense that recovery seems far far out of reach. It is here, within this sacred space that the mortal wounds of trusted visitors can reek havoc and permanent devastation. Do I shut down and close the garden?

But along with such fragrant beauty and splendor comes the reality of thorns. Yes, thorns that from time to time prick the hearts of those who wander through your lush landscape. The unsuspecting admirer who takes a moment to saunter through your garden finds themselves at times wounded and bleeding. These thorns of reality remind your visitors of the humanity of your garden and the risk of such a venture beyond the shallow depths of impersonal contact. It is here, in this space that human nature is revealed in its most raw and unaltered state. There is beauty and texture and blue skies here but from time to time reality pricks our souls and we are left changed.

I have scars. I have been that unsuspecting wanderer who has been hurt in the most vulnerable spaces of security. I have been wounded by those who carry the label of friend and with whom have traveled along life's great journey. I have thorns. I have hurt and marred those who have dared to go beyond the Great Wall. I have, at times, an unkept garden.

But I don't see my scars as a sign of weakness or as moments of lapse in judgement, rather, a signal of an enduring spirit in a never ending quest for connection. The invitation to my garden is rare but the stay is worth the wait and effort. The promises of thornless beauty is futile but the realization of healing is the balm of Gilead. Who dares to walk here? Who dares to tread such unknown paths? Only those whose human evolution has allowed them to rise above the mundane and ridiculous notion of perfection and to see themselves in a flawed and warped mirror. To see themselves as others see them; dangerously beautiful, elegant with shades of brutality, a garden full of roses and thorns.

I love a brilliant rose garden.

That is all....

Monday, April 14, 2008

Prison can do WONDERS for people!


That is all....

Hi Ho-Hi Ho- It's back to work I go!

Well the vaca is over. The weekend was uneventful....well if you call a hooker name Sheila uneventful!

But seriously. I went out Saturday night with some friends and we had a delightful time. We drank and ate and made fun of people. Ya know, the usual weekend fare. I was up until like's amazing the kind of people that are up at 3am on a Sunday morning. I met this guy named Stinton....he had one eye...a glass basically he couldn't see me. But for some strange reason I felt the need to shout at him like he couldn't hear me or something. The eye kept moving around which was very disconcerting as I kept moving around so he could see me. So there I am, on the streets of downtown at 3am, talking to a glass eyed homeless man named Stinton. Only in Colorado Springs people...only in Colorado Springs!

Sunday afternoon I attended a concert. I liked it. It was good. It was held at a church downtown so I adorned myself with suitable attire and proceeded to the event. Lovely time was had by all and enjoyed a rather enjoyable concert. I liked it. It was good.

On my way to my car I ran into....guess who...Stinton. Lovely chap. Come to find out he has a glass eye AND is deaf in one ear. The glass eye is his right eye and the deaf ear is his left ear. Poor schmuck. I offered to buy him a cup of coffee but he said he was allergic to caffeine. I mean, come on. I offered to get him a burger...he said he was a vegan. I thought to myself, this is the pickiest homeless man I have ever met. I also noticed he had a decided limp...come to find out he had no right leg...just a wooden stump. I mean, come on! I was afraid to ask what other appendages he was missing...yikes!  According to him he lost the leg in a nasty wind surfing accident....but come to find out he's from wonder he lost his leg...I hear wind surfing in Nebraska is a bitch! Come to find out he's a Bama supporter. Of course, it took me a while to figure out exactly who he supported...he kept referring to "Beer-knock"...I'm like, who the hell or what the hell is "Beer-knock". Finally after noticing my confusional facial expressions he said...."You know, Beer-knock Osama". I said, "Oh, you mean Barack Obama?". He said, "Hell yeah, I'm for her, the black lady!". Oh those silly homeless people. By this time, it was time for me to go as most of my nose hair had been singed off by the pungent smell of alcohol, three years without a shower, and the faintest hint of old spice. Good ole Stinton! Only in Colorado Springs people...only in Colorado Springs!

That is all....

So now we're all singing kum ba yah?

Last night I had the pleasure of watching CNN host what they dubbed as "The Faith Forum" from Messiah College. I was completely taken aback at the entire idea of this. Now let me set the record straight that I am a man of faith and have had a faith life ever since I can remember. I grew up in church and if the story is correct, my mother even went into labor with me while sitting in a pew of her home church. So yeah, you could say that faith has been there from the very beginning.

What struck me odd is the idea of these two candidates (John McCain was invited but opted out...hmmmm?) talking about their faith and how that faith has "transformed" their lives and the power of the "Holy Spirit" has been with them since they were children. Neither of them looked terribly comfortable and gave, what I consider, the "sunday school" answer to most questions. I found a lot of rambling nonsense that went on and on. The most striking aspect to me was how they parsed out their faith and belief system into their personal and public lives. Both candidates were aware of their faith and the presence of the "Holy Spirit" being with them but seemed to delineate between their very public lives and their personal journeys. Campbell Brown tried her best to get the Hill to talk about the whole "I never had sex with that woman" scandal and somehow parle that into a whimsical story of how the good Lord saw her through such great emotional trauma and personal tragedy. The Hill didn't go there and rightly so. There is a line between the personal and public journey.

See, what most of the evangelical world wants is for our presidents and senators, and congressman, etc. to be God loving and God fearing individuals and, most importantly, PROFESSING CHRISTIANS. The problem is this....our nation is NOT a christian nation and I would dare say, even some who profess to be christians may not have the slightest clue of what it means to be a christian. The founding father's did not establish our country as a "christian nation" but rather built into it's framework a decided separation of the church and state. This DOES NOT mean that religion is eliminated from the political sphere. On the contrary, references to God, the Deity, the Creator are far from exempt in the writings of the founding fathers. Where they draw the line is the idea of establishing a certain state religion...a religion sanctioned by the government. This was a freedom to practice religion as we see fit, or not at all if your from California....kidding. It was not a freedom FROM religion nor was our country ever intended to be a secular state....far from it. It is undeniable the intent of the founding your history books people! Better yet, go to Washington DC and look at the documents for yourself.

All this to say, I was glad to hear that the two Dem candidates have a faith structure in their matter how genuine or politically motivated. But I will say this...I want my president and leaders to be just that....leaders. And I want them to be leaders for all the people...even my friends who don't acknowledge sweet baby Jesus and are going to burn in the eternal fires of damnation for all eternity separated from all that is good and holy...that was for my heathen friends....see you this weekend! If I want to hear a sermon, then I will go to my church and hear my pastor preach. I don't want to hear it from my president or any of my governmental leaders. Morality is not and should not be legislated from the government. Now I know this flies in the face of my christian duties and responsibilities to "hold up the Light" and "carry the flag and sword of truth". But that is the job of the church at large NOT the government.  Christians can and should fight for what they believe in and should vote those persons who share the same value system....that is what democracy is all about. If you think that references to God should be removed from every nook and cranny of society, then get out there and find the biggest heathen you can and vote em in...just remember, you'll burn in hell forever. 

That is all...

Blogging Therapy

So many have told me what an awesome experience blogging is, and will be, and that I should treat it as some sort of therapy. What? Am I going to experience some out of body experience? Will my fingers relay a sensation to the rest of my body as I type while simultaneously experiencing pleasure beyond comprehension? Will I solve the worlds problems and in doing so create world peace and harmony, the likes of which haven't been seen since the 70's and LSD? Wait...wait...I think....there it is...oh yeah....uh I'm feeling it...pshhh!

I think not...

The thing about blogging is that I get to add my voice, thoughts (little as they may be), and opinions to a myriad of other voices all clamoring to be heard, or rather read by a world desperate for yet another opinion. I love the phrase that says, "Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one"! Well this asshole is adding another voice in the crowd. Well sort know what I mean. I mean, my asshole really isn't going to say anything. Well, not in so many words. 

Come to think of it, I do feel much better now that we've cleared the air...ha! Of course the downside of blogging is the fact that anything you write could ultimately come back and bite you in the aforementioned ass. But as long as you keep it clean, all will be well with the world. I look forward to more blogging and less discussion of my ass.

That is all...

Friday, April 11, 2008

Gotta have FRIENDS!

Ok so shoot me for being a tad sentimental this evening. It's cold, overcast, and a Friday night and I'm at home enjoying some rare quiet time before the evening's festivities. 

A little reflection on the importance of good friends. I'm not talking about those who you text now and again or even instant message here and there. I'm not talking about those that you may run into at Wal-Mart or at the local pub. I'm not talking about those who offer polite smiles and haphazard glances and simply wave as they continue to carry on with their very busy social schedules. I'm not talking about those that offer you something in return for your friendship. I'm not talking about the ones that take and take and take and never seem to have the wherewithal to give back. I'm definitely not talking about those who have the loveliest of facial expressions until the moment you turn your back and find a blunt medal object stuck in it.
I'm talking about those with whom you "do life". I'm talking about those that you call when your hamster dies and you need to cry like a kid whose just lost his best friend. I'm talking about those who will stand up and defend  you even when you are wrong. I'm talking about those that carry your burden even when you never asked them to. I'm talking about someone who cares despite personal objection or open ridicule. I'm talking about the ones who tell you that you're a jerk and love you in spite of it. I'm talking about those who laugh with you so hard that beer shoots out of every orifice...and then laughs about that. I'm talking about someone who knows the secret language and hand shake, if you have one!

If you have even just one of the good ones, you're lucky. I have them and even if I had a hamster and it died, I know that I could pick up a phone and they would cry with me. Of course then we would have some beers and laugh about it until it was coming out of every orifice. Then we'd laugh about that.

That is all...

A picture of my Wee (Wii)

I know you were expecting something quite different with this but seriously people, move on! I have become entranced by this little thing. With wi-fi connections, internets browsing, tennis, and old school super mario brothers, why would I ever need to leave my room. I can even play with other peoples Wii's all over the exciting. 

Growing up I was never a huge gamer. I did have a short stint with a super mario brother but never really understood the whole industry. I mean come on, for christmas one year I got a typewriter and was so excited I almost cried. So the idea of paying an exorbitant amount of dinero for a gaming system was foreign to me. However, on a recent trip to the land of the Indians, Florida, I was introduced to my friends Wii....and his Wii bit me and from then on I was hooked. I am now hoping that my Wii excites others so much that they go buy and begin to play with their own Wii. And with all our Wii's out there it truly can be a small world after all!

That is all...


My buddy Eduardo is an incredible talent. His short films are smokin' and his photography is breathtaking. He is first and foremost an artist and will hit the world stage someday.  Check him out!

That is all...


For some strange reason I was fascinated by this story. It really sends your senses reeling.  I mean, it's like being told not to stare but you can't help yourself. For some, this is a grotesque fairground sideshow....I can see the picket lines now already forming outside the hospital where he/she will give birth. For others, it poses some deep questions about society, faith. 

I first was made aware of Thomas Beatie by another blog spot and then simply HAD to watch on Oprah the Great. To be honest, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. A woman who doesn't want to be a woman, so she becomes a man, legally. Now I understand the whole transgender thing....well I say understand...but I should clarify. I am a man and have never felt the need to be a woman...well except for that one weekend in....but I digress. But seriously, I can grasp the concept of transgender as a generic statement. All of it's evolutions can be rather maddening at times and this particular gestation has me all in a quandary. What I can't figure out is Mr. Beatie, in his need to become a man, allows for the option of children and using his womb as the surrogate for life....that was a tough sentence to write. The idea of wanting to be a man yet finding it a "human want" to have children. I agree that men and women alike want children but I, for one, have never had an urge to birth a child. And how that might happen sounds rather painful....I wouldn't bounce back from that sort of thing! The line seems to be blurry here and I'm simply looking for clarification. 

Believe me, I'm the last to judge on things like this. It just seems to me that if you want to be a man then be a man....scratch, spit, belch, do cross stitch, learn to play an instrument, decorate your living room, bake a know, all those things that make a man a man. If you want to be a woman then be a woman and all those things like playing softball, shopping at home depot, etc. But creating a new hybrid species should be left to the car manufacturers and not mankind.

That is all...


So I'm on vacation. Well I'm not in some exotic location. I opted to remain here, the conservative bastion of the west...and no, I won't be touring Focus on the Family! Interesting thing about vacations when you don't go's kinda boring actually. At least if I were at some exotic location I would be out and about discovering new cultures, new ways of life...I miss India. But alas, I'm here. I've caught up on spring cleaning...on laundry...and on relationships gone astray...I miss my illegitimate children! The sad part about this whole vacation thing is that none of my peeps, or for you less socially adept and hip people, my friends, aren't available to play during the day. So I'm left with nothing else to do but to play with my Wii (thats pronounced in the noise one makes going down a hill....wee). And for those with a depraved mind, it is a gaming system of the lineage of Nintendo. I have become quite good at it....I miss my mind! 

This weekend should prove to be a hoot. I don't have to be up on Sunday morning this week so the entire weekend is mine to do with as I see fit. I don't think strip clubs will be involved but one never knows! Oh come on, I'm just kidding....I miss my stripper! I tried stripping once...I miss college!

Well all in all it's been a good week thus far. It's only snowed and been overcast everyday except one and that was the day I worked half a day. The weather man said it should be in the 60's and 70's by Monday. By frackin Monday! Fracking is a derivative of a commonly used american expletive generally associated with those familiar with Battlestar Galactica. Its usage is much the same as its american counterpart.  For example, "Holy frack that's huge!" or "That's not my fracking fault your husband is fracking his secretary's boyfriend!" And so on and so forth.

That is all....

Failing Spectacularly!

I have to say that the current democratic primary process seems to be dragging on quite a bit longer than other contests in recent memory. But in reality, and in historical perspective, not really. I hear, all the time, that the bitter snipping between Hill and Bama will cause irrefutable damage to the democratic party and consequently cause a defeat in the coming general election. And, of course, the cries are not few who believe all would be solved if the Hill would simply and gracefully bow out and acquiesce to a younger, hipper democratic nominee. At least that is what the pundits have to say. My sense of the matter...NONSENSE! 

I must first point out that I have been an ardent supporter of the Hill. It's rather ironic as I was not a fan of the Bill. I'm not sure why, but the moment that the Hill announced plans to run for NY Senator I was a fan; kind of a ballsy move if you ask me. She, in many ways, redefined the role of "first lady". She did away with many of the held, stereotypical notions of an elite party socialite picking the next set of china for the blue room of the white house. This is certainly not meant to lessen the very important and strategic role of the first lady. Many, of whom, had very worthy causes that their position and stature allowed them to make a real difference. I could mention a few and show off my historical prowess but that would be very much off the subject at hand (maybe in another blog, if you like). But the Hill went beyond social protocol and finding her own "just say no" slogan. She, with the help and support of the Bill, cut to the chase and grabbed at an opportunity to impact She failed miserably. History can show us where she failed, how she failed, and why she failed. Regardless of the brutal nature that is modern day politics, what we remember is that she failed. But what a spectacular failure it was! I'm reminded of the phrase, "It is better to fail spectacularly than succeed with mediocrity". We all remember, "Just Say NO!". I know that has come in handy for me when tempted with the likes of drugs and sex and alcohol consumption and... just say no! Right. Even if it was the eighties, how naive. Healthcare was tackled in the first two years of the Clinton administration. Whatever you think of the Hill, one can never say she simply baked cookies and picked out china patterns. (Nothing against those who do....I happen to enjoy both of those activities, but I digress.)

Fast forward nearly two decades. Two terms in the white house, healthcare failure, "I never had sex with that woman" scandal, impeachment hearings, two terms as Senator from NY, and now, what used to be billed as an inevitable road to the white house, the Hill is in the fight of her life. I have to be honest, things don't look good for her in part, due to a nation swept up in a fervor of hope, swooning speeches, and white guilt while some if not most of the fault laid sole at her feet. She made some critical errors and had some lapses in judgement and quite frankly, just plain old good common sense. In a normal and more perfect world, save for race cards and gender inequalities, there would be no doubt or question in a line up of the Hill and the Bama, as to who is the more qualified and who would be the better president. But all things are not equal. Hill had the momentum, she had the clout, she had the money, but out of no where comes this "youngin" who has usurped her place in history and will, more than likely, beat her in the bid for the nomination. What happened? What went wrong? I can't point out a single narrative that would explain the fall from grace. I don't think the snipper infested, run for your lives Bosnia story helped at all. In fact, that is where even I, as the aforementioned ardent supporter, began to dangle and dip my feet in the waters outside the boat. 

One can never say of the Hill that she does anything with mediocre intent and a lacksidasicle approach to life. On the contrary, she does life BIG and on a scale most of us will never be able to imagine. I'm not ready to count her out just yet and I'm not sure how history will remember this little cross section of time where a woman, a first lady, a Senator from NY ran for the highest office in the land. If she somehow manages to pull out the nomination and the general election, I think she will make a hell of a president. Of course, the thought of the "first gentlemen" running around in the white house with nothing to do is enough material to provide bloggers for a life time. If the Hill somehow goes down in flames she will have done so brilliantly. She will have failed spectacularly! 

That is all...